Fruits Basket Interviews
by ShinkisRule
Summary: Me interviewing the characters with my brother as the cameraman. He just found out I was writing him in and he was tiiiicked. Muahahaha. But I now have him proofread it so he can change his dialouge if he wishes. I suppose I should credit him, then...
1. Tohru

SHINKISRULE: Hello, Furuba fans! ShinkisRule here doing the likely overdone but still incredibly enjoyable character interviews!! First off, we have the "ever-optimistic hero of our story!" Ladies and gentlemen, Tohru Honda!!!

TOHRU: Hello! Gasp! It's a camera! Am I on TV?

SR: No… My brother's just filming this for future generations. Say hi, Krem.

KREM: Just so you all know, I was forced to do this.

SR: Tohru doesn't need to know that, Krem…

K: I just didn't want people to think I was actually a fan of this silly manga!

SR: Shut up! You'll hurt her feelings!

T: Umm…

SR: Anyway, back to Tohru! No, this isn't on TV, but it is my aspiration that it one day will be. That would be so awesome… Wouldn't it Krem?

K: Meh.

T: Oh, yes!

SR: So, this is a question I'll be asking most of you this evening. What would you think if I told you there was going to be a live-action Furuba movie?

T: Oh! That would be wonderful! Is there?

SR: Not that I know of, no… But I really wish there was… But if there were, who would you like to see playing your part?

T: Oh, my! A real professional actress playing me? That would be so cool…

SR: Well, Tohru?

T: Ah…

SR: Ummm… Tohru…?

K: I don't think she's going to answer.

SR: Yeah… She's just looking off into the middle distance…

K: Daydreaming.

SR: Yup.

K: Indeed.

SR: She ever snapping out of that?

K: Doesn't look like it.

SR: Guess that means this interview is over.

K: Cool. Can I go now?

SR: No. We still have at least twelve more people to interview.

K: What?!

SR: Next up is Yuki!


	2. Yuki

SHINKISRULE: And now I'll be interviewing Prince Yuki Sohma! Psst! Sound effects boy, give me a fanfare!!

KREM: I thought I was the cameraman!

SR: You're both! FANFARE!

K: Sigh… I should get paid for this… *imitates fanfare*

YUKI: Why was I just given a fanfare?

SR: Because princes always get those whenever they enter a room.

Y: Now that would just get annoying.

SR: Hm. True. So, Yuki, I wanted to ask you that if there was going to be a live-action—

PRINCE YUKI FAN CLUB: Yukiiiii!!!!! Uwaaahhhhh!!

SR: …

Y: …

SR: So, as I was saying, if there was gonna—

PYFC: We love you, Yukiiiii!!!!

SR: Do you mind?! Trying to do an interview here!

MINAMI: Yes we do mind!! Our love for Yuki will never be silenced!! YUUUKIIIII!!!!

SR: How do you live with that? If I was surrounded by love struck idiots I would have killed them all by now.

MINAMI: Who are you calling idiots?!?!

Y: I try to ignore them… it's all I can do to keep from slowly slipping into madness…

SR: I feel so sorry for you.

Y: Thank you for caring.

SR: Now I'll try to say this as quickly as possible to avoid interruption. If they were making a live-action Furuba movie, who would you—

PYFC: L-O-V-E! We love Yuki! Yuki! Yuki!

SR: Okay, that was just about the stupidest thing I've ever—

PYFC: Lalalalalalala! Lalalalalalala!

SR: What the heck?! SHUT UP!!!

PYFC: Noooooo!!!

SR: I'm trying to talk to Yuki here!!! You're so rude!!

MINAMI: Stop trying to take Yuki for yourself!

SR: I—What?! I'm not trying to take—

MOTOKO: Don't hide it. You love him, too, don't you?

SR: I—I don't—Aagh! Stop talking!

KREM: Sorry, but it's pretty obvious…

SR: You stay out of this, Krem!! The cameraman doesn't talk!

K: The sound effects boy does.

SR: No! He just makes sound effects!

K: You love Yuki…

Y: Well… This is awkward…

SR: I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill you!!!

K: Oh, dear…

SR: GRAAGH!! *jumps at Krem*

K: Umm… That's all, folks! *turns off camera*


	3. Kyo

SHINKISRULE: Okay… Now that that's over…

KREM: I'm in so much pain right now…

SR: We'll be interviewing Kyo! Yay! *claps hands*

KYO: You were going to ask me a question?

SR: Ah, yes. So, Kyo, if they were making a live-action Fruits Basket movie, who would-

KYO: A live-action movie?

SR: I believe that's what I said, yes.

KYO: No.

SR: Huh? What do you mean "no?"

KYO: If they made a live-action movie, they would destroy Fruits Basket as we know it. Plus they'd make me look terrible.

SR: But a live-action movie! That'd be sooo cool!!

KYO: Let me put it this way. You know how you read a book and you think it's the best thing you've ever read and you get all excited when you find out it's gonna be a movie?

SR: Or when you desire with all your heart for them to make a movie, like with Furuba??

KYO: I'm still talking here. And then you go to the theatre all hyper thinking you're about to see that story on the big screen, but then you watch it and you ask yourself, "What that supposed to be the same thing I just read?"

SR: No, I don't really… I usually see the movie instead of read the book…

KYO: Sigh… You're missing the point…

SR: It's not hard for a movie to win my love.

KYO: Really?

SR: Yeah.

KYO: Just don't complain when they pair Rin up with Ritsu and make Momiji a girl.

SR: Hehe… Ritsu's funny...

KREM: Just don't try. She's kind of an idiot.

SR: HEY!!!! Want another beating, cameraman/sound effects boy?!?!

KREM: No thanks, I'm good.

KAGURA: Kyo-kuuuuuuuunnnnnn!!!!! LOOOOOVE!!!!!

KYO: Oh, *bleeeeeeep*… I gotta get out of here…

SR: No worries!

KAGURA: I love you, Kyo-kun!!! WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME THE WAY I LOVE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?! WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!

KYO: Get away from me!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

SR: Looks like we have to end this one… Next is Shigure!


	4. Shigure

SHINKISRULE: And now we shall interview the loveable idiot, Shigure!

SHIGURE: Hello to all of you!

SR: So, if there was a live-action Furuba movie, who would you like to see playing your role? Yes! I didn't get interrupted!

S: Hmm… playing my role…

SR: Please answer this time…

S: I believe the only actor who could possibly portray my adventurous, bold, and overall incredible personality is… BRUCE WILLIS!!

SR: Wow… Bruce Willis? Really?

S: Indeed. He would be best.

SR: I'm thinking Jerry Trainor for you.

KREM: Yup. Definitely Jerry Trainor.

S: Jerry Trainor?

SR: You know! That weird guy who always plays lunatics like Crazy Steve and Spencer?

S: I know who Jerry Trainor is! I still think Bruce Willis is much more suitable.

SR: He looks nothing like you, Shigure!

S: Ah, but makeup works wonders.

SR: But you have HAIR!

S: And that is why the _wig_ was invented.

SR: No… Just no…

MITCHAN: Sensei!!!!

S: Hmm? Oh, hello, Mitchan!

MITCHAN: Why, Sensei?!?! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!

S: Heh heh… My apologies, but I need to speak with my editor.

SR: Goodbye, Shigure. Next is Hana-chan!


	5. Hanachan

SHINKISRULE: Hi there, Hana-chan! How are you today!

HANA: Greetings, ShinkisRule.

SR: So, what's it like being able to sense people's waves, Hana-chan? I think it's really cool.

H: Have you read up to my back-story?

SR: Well… Yes…

H: Then you should know.

SR: Hmm… I see what you're getting at, but I still kind of want to be able to do that.

H: True, my power has proven its uses, but in the beginning, it isn't very pleasant.

SR: So, how about my waves, Hana-chan? Do I have good waves?

H: Hmmm… Allow me a moment.

SR: Okay. I'll just close my eyes and concentrate. Ommmmm…

H: You don't need to do that.

SR: Oh. Sorry.

H: Your waves are… interesting…

SR: Cool! Wait, that's good, right?

H: …

SR: You mean interesting in a good way, right?

H: Well…

SR: Right?!

H: That depends on what you perceive as 'good'…

SR: What? Does it have to do with destiny? Am I meant to do something important?

H: Not really, no…

SR: Is it my personality, then? Am I artistic? Meditative? Kind? Intelligent? What do you mean by interesting?!

H: Artistic, yes… Kind, perhaps… Intelligent…

SR: What did you see in there, Hana-chan?!?!

H: Ummm… Oh, look at the time…

SR: Wait, wait, wait!!! Hana-chaaan!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY INTERESTING?!?!

KREM: She's gone…

SR: I KNOW SHE'S GONE!!

K: I believe that your waves told her that you're stu—

SR: SHUT UP KREM!!!


	6. Uochan

SHINKISRULE: Uo-chan! So glad you could make it here!

UO: Heh-heh. Glad to be here.

SR: Can I just say, Uo-chan… I love your name! I'm gonna name one of my kids Arisa one day. That is, as soon as I get married…

UO: Well, then. It's an honor!

SR: So, the question that I've been asking everyone—If they were to make a live-action Furuba movie, who do you think could play you?

UO: Me.

SR: Yes, you. Who do you—

UO: I just said. ME.

SR: You?

UO: No one can portray me but me. If there was gonna be a movie, I would walk up to the studio, grab the director by the throat, and demand that he cast me as myself.

SR: But… Live-action… and you're anime… How is that gonna work?

UO: I don't know… Make a digital me and have me do the voice or something?

SR: But that's animation!

UO: Only I can be me!

SR: But it's not—

UO: I'M ME!!

KREM: I'd make a smart remark right about now, but my knowledge of actresses is somewhat limited.

UO: Which is why you should agree with me!

SR: Alrighty then.

UO: Hmph.

SR: So… that's it?

UO: That's it.

SR: Okay. Next is Momiji!


	7. Momiji

SHINKISRULE: And we're back with more interviews!!! I'm ShinkisRule…

KREM: …

SR: Ahem… I'M SHINKISRULE…

K: *Yawn…*

SR: *imitating Krem's voice* And I'm Krem!

K: That sounds nothing like me!

SR: Well, you missed your cue!

K: I care not.

SR: Myehh.

K: That's not a word.

SR: Aaaanyways, today we're interviewing the lovable Momiji!!! Say hi to the people!

MOMIJI: Hi to the people!!

SR: Isn't he so cute?!?!

M: Nya ha ha!!

K: …That's a he…?

SR: Sooo, Momitchi, you enjoying high school so far?

M: Ja!

K: Wha…? He's in high school?!?! What the heck?! I thought he was like six!!!

M: Nein! I'm in high school and it's fun!

K: But… HOW?!?!?

SR: Ah, Krem… See, if you read Furuba, you wouldn't be so shocked.

K: Shut up! I'm NOT reading that, no matter what you say!!

SR: Hater.

K: You're supposed to be talking to the mini-freshman!

SR: 9th grade is still middle school in Japan.

K: You have got to be kidding me. HOW OLD IS THIS PYGMY?!?!

SR: I don't know… like 15…

K: Are you sure this isn't a four-year-old being remotely controlled by aliens for research purposes?

M: Talk to me please!!

SR: So we know you like eating lollipops and ice cream and stuff… What would you say is your favorite sweet?

M: Chocolate cake!

SR: Yay! I love cake!

M: I brought some with me!

SR: CAAAAAKE!!!!!

K: Ugh. Chocolate. If I can smell it, it's too close.

SR: You hate chocolate?!

K: Where have you been for the past fourteen years?

SR: Yes, I knew, but WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?!?!?!

K: Muahaha… Many, many things…

M: Hehe… This is funny!

SR: GIMME THAT CAKE!!

M: Huh? The whole thing?

SR: Yes the whole thing! GIMME IT!!!

M: Okay… *gives SR the cake*

SR: DIE HATER!!!! *throws cake at Krem*

K: AAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!! NOO!!! IT BUUUUURNS!!!!

M: Nyahahaha!!! So can we eat it now?

SR: Yup! Grab a fork!

K: IT'S STILL ON MY FACE!!!!

SR: So stab extra hard, Momitchi!

M: I feel stabby!

K: HOW IS THIS BOY CUTE?!?!!?!

SR: Can't get any cuter than the bunny backpack!

M: Yay! I'm cute and cuddly!

SR: Once we finish the cake, we get to meet Aaya!!!


	8. Ayame

SHINKISRULE: Hi, everyone! Today—

AYAME: Today she shall converse with the glory that is ME!!!!! Come, come!! Let us speak!! Let us have a deep and meaningful dialogue!!! And you, chocolate-faced boy with the camera! Zoom! ZOOM IN SO THAT MY FACE SHALL BE PRESENTED TO THE WORLD!!!!

KREM: Chocolate-faced boy?!

A: I believe you've misquoted me; I called you chocolate-faced boy _with the camera,_andin our phrases lies a three-word difference! So, now, if you wish to repeat my words of wisdom, you must do so _correctly!_ Remember this, boy!!

SR: *shakes head* Sigh… Aaya, Aaya, Aaya…

A: So, now, woman, what is it that you wished to speak with me about? Come, come, be not timid! Speak, woman, I bid thee, SPEAK!!

SR: I kind of have to wait until you stop talking for me to start…

A: Well, I have ceased speaking, so now pray tell!!!

SR: Well, Aaya, I was wondering, have you always been over-confident, or was there a moment in your life when—

A: "_Over_-confident?" A foolish choice of words, my dear! The buoyancy that you see before you today is rooted in the solid fact that I am TREMENDOUS!!!

K: *coughtrackscough*

SR: I was talking… And did you just call me "my dear…?"

A: Correct, my dear, I did indeed! Are you not flattered by my chivalrous form of address? Does your heart not beat stronger with my every word?!

SR: No… My heart still beats like normal…

A: My fair maiden, you need not be coy! The look you give me makes it clear that you have a strong passion for Ayame Sohma just waiting to blossom!!!

K: No, that's not her infatuated look… That's her "wow, you're an idiot" look.

SR: Indeed. Passion isn't always positive, Ayame.

A: So you have negative feelings toward me, then? Ah, my dear. Such a foolish child you must be!

K: I think I'm starting to like this guy.

SR: YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID TO TALK KREM!!

K: I'm not getting paid AT ALL!

A: Ha, ha, why desire payment, boy? You do things because they bring you joy! Not for such a thing as money! Ayame Sohma LAUGHS at money!! HA HA HA HA!!

K: I take it back. I don't like you anymore. And I do this because she forced me.

A: Ah, but it is not wise to be so bitter when you possess the knowledge that my face could one day be shown on worldwide television? Surely THAT would satisfy you!

SR: Well… Fruits Basket… It's manga… And anime… on TV…

A: It is, isn't it? So the world is able to bask in my glory! That is indeed wonderful!

SR: Whaaatever… Man, how does Yuki put up with you?

A: Yuki lives for me, you silly thing! I am his older brother, his role model!

SR: No, Aaya, he's kind of embarrassed to be related to you…

K: I see the resemblance, but I still can't grasp that you two are brothers…

SR: Yeah. Yuki's not full of himself…

K: You _would_ be the one to notice that…

SR: Shhh!!

A: What?!?! What is this?!?! Your brother comments on your opinion of Yuki?!?! Could it be that… GASP! YOU HAVE AFFECTION FOR YUKI?!?! I MUST DEPART AND INFORM HIM FORTHWITH!!!! *runs off*

SR: Niiice, Krem…

K: Heh heh heh…

A: And I must not waste time as I run, so I shall notify Hatori as well!! *flips out phone* LISTEN TO THIS, TORI-SAN!!!!

SR: Sigh… Let's hope Hiro's goes better…

**And just to clear things up, I don't really hate Aaya. I think he's hilarious. But I get the feeling that if I were to meet him, he'd kinda tick me off. :P**


	9. Hiro and Kisa

SHINKISRULE: Helloooo, Furuba fans!!! Now I interview Hiro and Kisa! I didn't think anything funny would happen with just Kisa, so I interview them together. Yay!

HIRO: Wait a second. Are you telling me that you're not talking to us because you want to know us better, but because you think it'll amuse people who read it? That's pretty inconsiderate, you know.

SR: And there he goes…

H: You call us here without even acknowledging that maybe we had other plans in our schedule and all you wanna do is get some laughs out of it. Did it ever occur to you that we have feelings? Do you do this to everyone? Do you make friends just so they can be useful to you? Do you just treat them all as objects? Do they even see what you do to them? Do they have any idea that you don't really care?

SR: Um… I don't have friends…

H: No wonder. You must be a terror to have around. You just take and take and take and never give anything back. You don't get any friends that way. People avoid you because they know that all you're gonna do is just—

SR: That's not why I don't have friends! I'm just different! I don't know…

H: And now you interrupt me! You're just proving my point! You're inconsiderate!

KISA: *sweatdrop* Hiro-chan…

SR: No one's gonna wanna read this if they don't find it funny!

H: And so you don't interview Kisa by herself. You put her with me instead. What's that supposed to mean? What were you expecting to happen? You just assume that the two of us together are gonna do something that'll amuse the crowd! Why is that? What's so funny about us? Go on. Say it. I know why! Do you get enjoyment out of this?!

SR: I must admit, Hiro, you're the first one to speak to me this way…

H: Really? Am I? Or are you just so conceited that you never notice?

SR: I'M NOT CONCEITED!!! I HAVE NO SELF-ESTEEM!!!

H: Why are you yelling at me now? You're getting all defensive, so that must prove something! What's wrong with this picture? You just scream it out like I was trying to make you admit you killed someone! Though come to think of it, I wouldn't really put it past you.

KREM: You know, kid, you'd make a pretty good lawyer…

H: What's lawyer-ish about me? Didn't I just say I'm not trying to make her admit to anything illegal? You're such an idiot. All I'm trying to do is help this woman stop being selfish and realize what she's doing to everyone around her.

SR: YOU'RE SO MEAN TO ME!! I'M A GOOD PERSON!!!*cries*

KISA: Hiro-chan… I think you went a little too far…

KREM: Heh… Not at all. Her pain is my joy… Oh, and, by the way, I am not an idiot.

H: Says you. I said that as plainly as can be and you still manage to bring the lawyer thing up. What was that all about? Either you're deaf or you're an idiot. It's one or the other. There's no in between.

KREM: Okaaay, I can see where this is going. Let's just move on… Who are we doing next?

SR: *sniff* I don't know…

KISA: I'm sorry about Hiro-chan…

SR: It's fine… And since you said that, Ritsu's up next.


	10. Ritsu

SHINKISRULE: Whaaaaatup, Furuba fans? I'm ShinkisRule and I'm here today with Ritsu! Say hi, Ritchan!

RITSU: Um… Hello… Oh no! I said "Um!" I shouldn't have had to hesitate like that! All I needed to say was a simple greeting! I apologize! I apologize to the entire world!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!

KREM: Why do I have the distinct feeling that this isn't the only time we're gonna hear that?

R: Gasp! You're right! I shouldn't scream like that! While I scream, I exhale, and that means I need to inhale more! I'm just wasting oxygen! I'm wasting it just by speaking! I'M SO SOOORRYYY!!!! Oh, no, I screamed again… I'm sorry…

SR: And that's the Ritchan we all know and love!

K: So the phrase "excuse me for living" would be serious coming out of her?

SR: Yeah, I guess it—"Her?"

K: Yes, her. The lady in the orange dress. Right there. In front of you.

SR: Um… Ritsu's actually a man.

K: …What in the name of…?

SR: The kimono calms his nerves.

K: That's just wrong!

R: Eeek! I know! I'm a disgrace! I apologize to the entire world for my disgracefulness!! I'm so sorry!!

SR: I told you, he dresses like that because it calms his nerves.

K: So he doesn't always dress like this? He just does it when he has to speak in public.

SR: Indeed.

R: I'm sorry…

SR: I asked him to come in his man clothes, but then I thought of how awful it would be if he did, so I changed my mind and let him wear the kimono.

K: It's a dress.

SR: It's a specific kind of dress worn by Japanese people!

K: Japan is weird…

R: I'm sorry…

SR: Japan gave you Transformers, so you'd better watch it, buster!!!

K: "Buster?" Sunbow gave us Transformers. Japan just gave us Diaclone cars and microchange. And Kiss Players. *shudders*

SR: DON'T BE RUDE IN FRONT OF RITSU!!!

K: ¿Por qué no?

SR: So, Ritchan, what is it about the way you dress that makes you feel so much calmer?

R: Well… I really don't know… I'm sorry for not knowing! I'm an idiot! I apologize! I apologize to the entire world!! I'M SO SORR—

K: *covers Ritsu's mouth* ¡SILENCIO! Don't want to waste oxygen, hmm?

R: *nods*

K: Good man-lady. Feel better?

R: *nods*

K: Now I'm going to remove my hand from your face. And when I do, you will go home, put on a pair of pants like a normal boy, and sit on the couch and watch TV and relax for the rest of the day. Understood?

R: *nods*

K: Okay. *removes hand from Ritsu's face*

R: Gasp! Oh no! There's saliva on your hand!! I drooled on it!! My germs are there!! You'll have to wash them off!! I'll wash it for you if you wish!! I'll do it right away!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!!

K: *Jedi mind trick* You don't want to wash my hand…

R: I don't want to wash your hand…

K: You want to go home and rethink your life…

R: I want to go home and rethink my life…

K: And buy me some Cheetos…

SR: Now, Krem, let's not take advantage of the weak-minded…

K: Why else do we have stupid people?

R: I'm weak-minded!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!!

SR: I think we should end it here… Then on with Hatori!


	11. Hatori

SHINKISRULE: Yo-yo-yiggity-yo!!

KREM: Don't ever say that again.

SR: Today we're here with Hatori!! Yay! We applaud and gesture dramatically!!

K: _[unenthusiastically] _Woo-hoo.

SR: Come on, Krem! Can't you at least PRETEND to be excited?

K: No. I don't even know who this guy is.

HATORI: I'm Hatori. She just said that a minute ago.

K: You weren't in those 200 pages of backwards weirdity from the dark abyss of Japan that I had to suffer through.

SR: He didn't show up until Volume 2. You basically meet a new Sohma every volume until everyone's been introduced.

K: Oh, joy.

H: Is there something that I'm missing?

SR: We had a deal that if I read one of his William Sleator books, then he'd read the first Furuba.

K: Which I hated.

SR: That's because you refuse to give manga a chance!

K: No, it's because it was WEIRD! What the heck's HE gonna turn into when you hug him?!

SR: Well, Hatori here's the—

H: *covers SR's mouth* Say it and this interview is over.

SR: *pushes Hatori's hand away* Aw, come on, Haari, it's not THAT embarrassing…

H: *puts hand back* YES IT IS.

K: I don't believe there are any Zodiac animals that you could be that secretive of…

SR: *holds her arms out to hug him*

H: *pushes SR away* Fine… Just tell him…

SR: He's the dragon.

K: Dragon…? I wanna see a dragon! HUG THE MAN!!!!!

SR: Well, the thing is he won't exactly turn into a _dragon_…

K: Aw…

SR: He'll turn into a seahorse and likely suffocate and die.

K: …A seahorse?

H: Sigh… Yes…

K: Really?

H: Don't rub it in…

K: What does a seahorse have to do with a dragon?

SR: In Japanese, seahorse literally translates to "baby dragon." Or "little dragon." Something along those lines. I don't remember exactly what it was.

K: He doesn't look like a baby to me.

SR: He was when he was born. So, Haari, I've been asked to bring this back, so if they were to make a live-action movie of Fruits Basket, who do you think could best play you?

H: I don't know. I rarely watch movies or television.

SR: …What?

H: I don't know. I rarely—

SR: No, no, I know what you said, but… That's it?

H: What did you expect? If you're such a Fruits Basket enthusiast, then you should know this well reflects my personality. Or, as you might say, lack thereof.

SR: It's not so much a lack of personality as it is a lack of any joy…

H: But the point still stands.

SR: I was kind of hoping we'd get this super-action-fighty side of you that no one's ever seen before…

K: No, that's too interesting and fun for a manga.

SR: *smacks Krem*

H: I suppose I'm somewhat skilled in combat, but I don't have a "super-action-fighty side" as you say.

SR: Somewhat skilled in combat… Can you show us?

H: I'd rather not…

SR: Pleeeeaaaase?

H: I don't really have anything to hit…

SR: We have Krem!

K: HEY!!!!

H: I'm not punching him.

K: HE'S NOT PUNCHING ME OR HE WILL DIE!!!!

SR: Pretend he's Shigure.

K: Shi-who-e?

H: Shigure…

K: Who is Shigure?

H: _Shigure_…

K: Does he hate Shigure? Is this bad for me?!

H: *charges at Krem*

K: GAAAAHHH!!! *throws camera at Hatori and knocks him unconscious*

SR: Well… It seems that in trying to reveal Hatori's super-action-fighty side, we've broken the camera… And Hatori's face… Thanks for that, xXemLyXx...

K: We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please do not stand by. Instead, get a life. Learn to play the banjo. Sell your hair. Donate blood. Anything but this, really.

SR: Pay him no heed. YOU'RE A MANGA-IST!!!

K: What? That's not a word!

SR: I just made it up! It's like racist, but for manga!

K: Oh. Yeah, pretty much. Ladies and gentlemen, come join the Anti-Manga club! WHOO!

SR: No one who's reading this will want to join the Anti-Manga club! You're about to get many nasty messages from them.

K: THEY DON'T KNOW WHO I AM! BLUE CAT-AH-PILL-AH! GRR!! *flex*

SR: They don't even know what that means!

K: Why are we still talking?!

SR: So, if you love manga and find his comments offensive, be sure to send the hate-mail to Krem on !

K: SPAM FILTER!! YELLOW SUNBEAM! *high-pitched squeal*

SR: We broke the camera! How the heck are we still rolling!

K: We're not. This is a figment of your imagination.

SR: Can we end this, please?!

K: I keep trying to, but you keep talking! I have to have the last word!!

SR: THE END!!!! Next is Haru.

K: Word!! YEAH!! I GOTS IT!!

**Heheh… Sorry if I dampened your spirits there, xXemLyXx... I wanted people to think that we were gonna get your idea, then surprise them. It's my sick little way of getting pleasure as an author XD. Oh, and all that stuff after we broke the camera really happened. I was just typing out our banter on the spot. It was no figment. And the blue caterpillar and yellow sunbeam are things we do in drama club. When someone says "blue caterpillar" for no apparent reason, we do this weird Arnold Schwarzenegger muscle thing. And when someone says "yellow sunbeam," we go "Wooo!" in a really high-pitched voice. Just to keep us alert.**


	12. Haru

SHINKISRULE: Howdy, y'all!

KREM: Can you please stop trying to get creative with intros?

SR: We got Haru today! Give us a blue caterpillar, Krem!

K: No, I'm not feeling it.

HARU: Hello. Uh… What's that smell?

K: Huh? Oh, this? Cheeseburger.

SR: *whispering* Krem!!

K: What?

SR: I told you not to get McDonald's until after the interview!!

K: What? I'm hungry.

H: You're eating a burger…?

K: What, do you want it?

SR: Don't offer him the--! What's wrong with you?!?! That's like feeding a pig bacon!!

K: I wasn't gonna give it to him! I was just wondering if he wanted it!

SR: Put it away!!

K: What? Why?

SR: Stop eating it!!

K: But—

SR: No questions!!! Get rid of it!!

K: *pause* Okay. *eats faster*

H: You're eating a burger….

SR: Oh, it's not a burger…

K: *mouth full* Yes it is.

SR: SSHH!!! PUT IT AWAY!!!

K: No! Why do you want me to put it away?!

SR: Because of HARU!!

K: What about Hulu?

SR: It's HARU, and he's the OX!!

K: …So…?

SR: The COW!!!!

K: Do I care?

H: You're eating a burger…

K: And it's delicious!

SR: Krem?

K: Yes?

SR: Just shut up and let me do the talking!!!

K: Let YOU do the talking? How ironic.

SR: *thumps Krem on the back of the head* You're just confusing the readers.

H: You're eating a burger…

SR: Now, Haru, let's not do anything we'll regret… He's just an idiot; it's not his fault…

K: HEY!

SR: Shhh!!! I'm saving your life! And the studio!

H: Grrr…

K: The studio? What?

SR: Look what you did! He's black now and we're all doomed!

K: Black? He's Japanese!

SR: Not THAT kind of black! "Black Haru" is the term we use when he gets mad and starts rampaging!!!

K: Then why'd you let him come here in the first place?!

SR: Because he's usually really nice, but then you made him go BLACK!!!

K: Me?! How is this my fault?!

SR: You ate cow meat in front of him and then said it was delicious!!!!

K: He's not actually a cow! He's just a human freak with the freakish ability to turn into some sort of bovine creature.

SR: APOLOGIZE!!!!!

K: For what?

SR: OUR LIVES ARE AT STAKE HERE!!! THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOU TO BE EGOTISTICAL!!!!

K: Okay, okay, I'm sorry I called you a freak, Hulu.

SR: HARU!!!

K: Haru… I meant it in no negative way. And that burger, it, uh… It wasn't really cow meat. It was, uh… horse meat.

H: HORSE MEAT?!?!

K: Now what? Is he in love with the horse?

SR: Actually, yes.

K: Of course he is…

SR: WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!

K: Let's see… This is a cow-man… *snaps fingers* Hug him.

SR: What?! I'm not gonna hug him! He's already ticked enough! Do you know how dangerous a rampaging cow is?!

K: Do you know how dangerous this sledgehammer is?

H: I CAN HEAR YOU!!!!

SR: Where did you get a sledgehammer?!

K: Hammerspace. This is fiction, after all. HUG THE MAN!

SR: Let's see… If he attacks you as a human, he'll maim you. If he attacks you as a cow, he'll kill you. Hmm… Okay. *hugs Haru*

K: TORO!!! TORO!!!! *swings sledgehammer*

H: *charges*

K: *raises sledgehammer*

H: *continues charging*

K: *bashes head of cow-man*

H: *falls over*

K: *drops sledgehammer* Who wants steak?

SR: Disclaimer: No cows were harmed in the making of this interview.

K: Uh, no, this is basically how they slaughter cows. Except my method was a little low-tech. And less humane.

SR: HE'S NOT REALLY A COW!!!!

K: Data: Physically, he is a cow. Thus, I just bashed his skull in. Conclusion: dinnertime.

SR: Um… I'm just gonna drag Haru over to Hatori and hopefully he can fix his skull…

K: Or we can have ribs for dinner.

SR: Ribs? *slaps herself in the face* No! No ribs!! *mumbling* scene-killer….

K: And let this be a lesson to you all. Don't be **THAT** cow.

**Another one where I was typing out our banter. Right from the horse meat part. And the "don't be ****THAT**** cow" thing is another in-joke from our school… A policeman came the other day to talk about drugs and compared it to the life of a cow. Cows just sit there eating grass their whole lives. Life is just grass and they're bored. And so when the farmer leads one to the slaughter, the rest follow, because they don't know what else to do. It made more sense when he explained it. But the end was "Don't be ****THAT**** cow." And we found it funny.**


	13. Rin

SHINKISRULE: It seems that word got out about Haru's injury…

RIN: So you're the one who hit Haru with the sledgehammer?

KREM: It was in self-defense.

R: Grrr…

K: Heh-heh… She's the horse, isn't she?

SR: Yup… And she's just as bad as Black Haru…

R: You hurt Haru…

K: *whispering to SR* She's kinda creepy…

SR: I'll leave him to you, Rin.

R: *cracks knuckles*

K: No problem. I'll just break out the sledgehammer. Uh… Where is it?

R: *holds up sledgehammer*

K: Hm. This could be problematic.


	14. Kureno

SHINKISRULE: Good morning! Or afternoon or evening or whatever time it is as you're reading this! I never announced who was next last time with Rin, so now you get to find out. Kureno! Yaaay!!

KREM: Why must you be so overly enthusiastic in these things?

SR: To keep the people entertained.

K: I thought you try to torture me to do that.

SR: That, too.

K: I'm still in pain from horse-girl's rampage.

SR: Hehe. Rin is one tough chick.

K: You trying to talk like that disturbs me.

SR: I'm sorry… I'm just trying to think of stuff to say…

K: Of course. So where's Ke—Oh, heck, I'm not gonna try to remember his name.

SR: Kureno?

K: Yeah. Where is he?

SR: I don't know… he said he'd be here by now…

K: Hence your attempts to thing of things to say?

SR: Yeah.

K: …

SR: …

K: Awkward silence… Anybody up for Chuck Norris jokes?

SR: No thank you. Did you already eat?

K: Yeah. Why?

SR: Just making sure you didn't get KFC this time.

K: He's the rooster?

SR: Yup.

K: Worry not. I despise KFC. Though I do crave fried chicken now…

SR: Let's not start that again.

K: Meh… You're no fun…

SR: ...

K: The idiot's still not here…

SR: Please respect Kureno. Who knows? You might end up liking him. You're the same animal, after all…

K: I care not. If that super-long-haired guy was the pig, then that theory is incorrect.

SR: He's the snake. Kagura is the boar and I do in fact like her.

K: Oh, yeah… She was that violent girl… Did we interview her yet?

SR: She had a cameo in Kyo's. I'm saying that's her interview. Unless the readers beg.

K: You are a slave to your audience.

SR: At least I don't try to make them slaves to me.

K: What?

SR: I don't know…

K: …

SR: …

K: …

SR: _Give me back that filet o' fish! BOOP! Give me that fish! BOOP! Give me back that filet o' fish! BOOP! Give me that fish! BOOP!_

K: DON'T SING THE SONG!!!!!!

SR: Sorry… I'm bored…

K: …

SR: _What if it were you hanging up on this wall? If it were you in that sandwich you wouldn't be laughing at aaaall!!!!_

K: SILENCE!!!!!

SR: Well I don't know how the song that doesn't end goes! The filet o' fish song is the next best thing! Then again, it's better. _GIVE ME BACK THAT FILET O' FI—_

K: SHUT UP.

SR: Well, what am I supposed to do?

K: Why don't we go HOME? Clearly rooster-man isn't coming.

SR: Let's just wait! I'm sure he'll be here any second!

K: I wanna go home!!!

SR: No! Listen! I think I hear him coming down the stairs!

K: It's about time!

KURENO: _[from the stairwell]_ I'm coming!

SR: There! See? He's here!

K: Why do I have the feeling the interview's about to end anyway?*

KURENO: _[from the stairwell]_ Ahhhhh!!!!

SR: Eep! What was that?!

KURENO: _[from the stairwell]_ Nothing…

SR: Did you fall down the stairs, Kureno?

KURENO: _[from the stairwell]_ No…

SR: …

KURENO: _[from the stairwell]_ …Yes…

K: *And that's why.

SR: DARN IT! We have to end it now!

KURENO: _[from the stairwell]_ Please call Hatori…

SR: Okay.

K: This interview's over?

SR: Yuppers. Sigh… Why does someone always have to get injured? But anyway, to hint you all as to who's up next, give us some creepy music, sound effects boy.

K: What?

SR: Just do it! Here's a kazoo! *throws kazoo at Krem*

K: sigh… *plays Phantom of the Opera theme*

SR: Guess whoooo…


	15. Akito

SHINKISRULE: You probably guessed by the creepy music that we'll be interviewing Akito today! Yay!

KREM: Please stop saying "yay."

SR: Sorry… Anyway, say yo to the peeps, Akito!

AKITO: *death glare* …

SR: Or not…

K: So this is what the music was for.

SR: Indeed… So, Akii…

A: *continues glaring*

SR: …-to…

A: *continues glaring*

SR: …-San…

A: What?

K: Who be him?

SR: Him be da head.

K: "Da head?"

SR: The heeeeeaaaaad…

K: Define "the head."

SR: The head of the Sohma family.

K: Oh. Which animal is he?

SR: Well, he's not exactly an _animal_…

K: He's not?

A: Of course not, you thick-skulled idiot. Did you not already speak with all the Zodiac?

K: How the heck should I know?

A: WHAT was that?

K: You need to calm yourself.

A: You DARE defy me?!

SR: Don't mind him, Akii—er, Akito-san. He's just ignorant.

K: HEY!

SR: Shh!! But anyway, back to our interview… Ever since I found out about your status, I've been dying to know… I don't think it's ever been established in the manga… Perhaps it has in the anime, but I've only seen like three episodes of that… What happens when someone hugs you?

A: …

K: There's the creepy glare again…

SR: Well, Akito-san? Do _you_ even know?

A: It's none of your business, cretin.

SR: Cretin? Who calls someone a cretin?

K: Me.

A: *raises fist*

SR: EEP!! Okay, okay, okay!! I'm sorry, ma'am!! I mean sir!!! I mean your majesty!! Er, your worshipfulness! I mean—um—Please don't hurt me!! Please!!! I'm only 14!! I have my whole life ahead of me!! DON'T HARM MEEE!!!!

K: They're all so violent…

SR: Not really… Just the latest ones…

A: AARGH!!! *grabs SR's hair*

SR: Ow ow ow!! Careful!!! Fragile!!!

A: _Is_ it now? *pulls hair*

K: Cool! PULL IT OUT OF HER HEAD!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!

A: You're next.

K: Oh, dear.

SR: LET GOOOOOOOO!!!! MY HAIR IS SPECIAL!!!

A: BEG FOR MERCY.

SR: I did that BEFORE you grabbed me!!!

A: AAAAAARGH!!!!!

_**The following content has been blocked for the sake of the squeamish. **_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A: MUAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! *leaves the room triumphantly*

SR: _[on the ground] _So… much… pain…

K: _[mockingly] _Aww… Poor you… Do you want some band-aids for all your boo-boos? Maybe some Neosporin? Or a nice bowl of soup? A few pints of blood pumped back into your veins, perhaps?

SR: Shut your face or I'll start singing the filet o' fish song again.

K: Booooaheahaha!!!

SR: When we get back, we'll be chatting with the Student Council.

K: When? After you get a few people to donate blood for you? Hehe.

SR: Sigh… Yes… *drags herself out of the room*

K: I'm beginning to enjoy this… Buahahaha…


End file.
